Healing Contact and Actively Helping Yourself: Hugging and Altruism

Healing contact

What do I really need to replace a chocolate milkshake right now? A hug. I need someone to hold me in their arms and tell me everything will be alright. When I feel the urge to eat, I stop and ask myself what truly makes me feel better. Nine times out of ten, I let my husband give me a bear hug or stroke my back.

------Nellie

The next time you crave a comforting meal, consider this research. It provides compelling evidence that a hug is more comforting than chocolate cake. Often, it's the touch of a hand and the warmth of a hug that truly provide the comfort you seek.

In 1953, psychologist Harry Harlow conducted a famous study examining the importance of touch in animal relationships. In this study, Harlow separated baby macaques from their mothers. They were then placed in a cage with two alternative mothers: one made of terry cloth and the other of electrical wire. The wire mother provided food to feed the babies. Time and again, when the baby monkeys felt frightened, they would run to the terry cloth mother for comfort. Food was not as calming as the terry cloth mother (who evoked a desire to cuddle), even when they were hungry.

Of course, monkeys and humans are different. But this study demonstrates that obtaining comfort from touch is a basic physiological need for animals. Harlow's research also suggests that the need for comforting relationships and touch is just as important as the need for food.

Self-soothing techniques: Touching warm and soft things

Offering and seeking a hug. First, if you get permission, be sure to hug. Hugging someone without permission is an invasion of their personal space and boundaries. Refusing touch and a hug can make others feel you are cold, and it will also increase your own need for comfort.

If you need a very gentle touch, you can let the other person stroke your back and the back of your hands.

If no one is there to hug you, you can try squeezing yourself between two pillows or burying yourself in a bag chair.

Actively help yourself

Once a month, I go to the local shelter to give out soup. The local organization needs volunteers. Initially, I didn't want to do it, but after doing it once, my life completely changed. It placed me in one or two ways. I began to appreciate having something more important to do than criticizing my overeating. It encouraged me to eat with gratitude, not guilt. And when I left, I couldn't even describe the wonderful feeling. I felt I had done something incredibly important for people, and that they would be incredibly grateful. I had never felt gratitude from others before, nor had I ever felt the people in the shelter were as happy to see me as everyone else.

Brad

Hollywood stars gain worldwide attention through their charitable efforts. But why? Is it merely for attention? In some cases, yes. But I dare say the reason goes deeper. Those who volunteer to help the less fortunate know that changing someone's life brings more joy than anything else they can do. Money may bring you fleeting happiness, but helping others elevates your soul.

There is a philosophical debate here: Is altruism (helping others without expecting anything in return) truly selfless? Why? Helping others gives one a sense of self-reward, so it's hard to say you haven't gained anything in return.

Self-soothing techniques: offering help

If you are feeling down and need non-food methods to improve your mood, you can try offering help to others.

Praise others. Express praise while protecting their self-esteem. Remember, it must be genuine praise. Tell the cashier at the store that she packed your purchase very well. Praise a colleague with good character. You feel good when you see others happy.

Take care of those around you. Volunteering is something we can do every day; it won't disrupt your plans and doesn't require much time. Ask yourself what help you can offer, even if it's small. For example, you could babysit someone's child for an hour; you could call your neighbor to ask if they need help running errands; open the door for a woman carrying a child or a man carrying a lot of things; help an elderly person carry their groceries to their car; or buy a cup of coffee for someone who needs a break.

Join a volunteer organization. Many reputable organizations offer services you can work for, listed in the phone book. You can also search online. Call local charities or social service organizations. You can also serve at a church or community center.

Stay connected, even when you want to go it alone.

I want to lock myself in the house and not go out anymore because it takes so much effort to explain to everyone how I'm feeling. The problem with locking myself in is that I end up all alone, and I start to panic. Then I try to please myself with food. I'm a social person; I feel better if I talk to others. I just don't know how to start.

Taylor

While connecting with others can be incredibly therapeutic, it can sometimes be exhausting. Even though you know talking to others will help, you might still lack the motivation to do so. So, what can you do?

If the people around you can help reduce stress-induced eating, but you're not aware of it, you can look for ways to easily connect with others. Here are some strategies to encourage you to engage with others.

Self-soothing techniques: Simple and easy social interaction

Make an appointment. Schedule a simple meeting in the near future, such as a lunch or coffee break. Avoid anything that takes up a lot of time. Just knowing you'll be meeting someone this week will give you plenty of time to prepare mentally, and it's something to look forward to. Don't cancel it! Once you get there, you'll be thrilled.

Smile. People are more likely to interact with you when they see you smile. A smile makes you more approachable.

Greet acquaintances. Schedule a haircut and chat with your stylist. Go to your favorite restaurant and greet the waiter who usually takes your order. Talk to the bus driver. All these conversations must be neutral and not trigger your emotions.

Go to places where people naturally gather. Sometimes, even without talking to those around you, they can offer help. Go to the library or take a walk along a tree-lined path. Go to the gym and chat with the person on the treadmill next to you. Attend a workshop or class. These places attract large crowds. Here, you don't need to be a social butterfly or interact with them extensively.