Taking back negative body imagery: From childhood experiences to an adult perspective

Behavior

Now review the "Behavior" column of your body image log. Besides pulling in your stomach, what else did you do or not do because of poor body image? Many people avoid the mirror, but others can't resist constantly checking their bodies, feeling bothered by anything they don't like, no matter the part. Here are some questions you need to consider:

Does your body image influence your clothing choices? Is there an outfit you originally wanted to wear but think would make you look heavier? Do you wear clothes that aren't attractive but that you believe conceal certain parts of your body?

In the past week, have you avoided any social or recreational activities due to body image concerns?

In your notebook, list the things you did or didn't do because of your perception of your body. Your review and summary of your body image monitoring over the week will reveal the extent to which your body image controls your perceptions, feelings, and behaviors. To maintain your motivation in weight management, improving your self-esteem and mood, and engaging in enjoyable activities are essential for improving your body image.

Take back your negative body imagery

After reviewing the list of triggers you found in your weekly log, take a look at the events listed below. Do you remember the specific circumstances of how each event first occurred in your life, and how these events made you feel dissatisfied with your body at the time?

Do you remember an embarrassing experience from your childhood or adolescence that made you painfully aware of your body's "defect"?

Have your classmates or friends ever teased you?

Do gym instructors or trainers make you feel ashamed of your body, and do they try to get your attention in that way?

When you started dating, did your date express disappointment in some aspect of your appearance?

Are you overly open about your body or sexual activity, or have you ever been raped?

Although recalling these experiences may be painful, write down in your notebook the name of the first person who made you feel that your body was inadequate, the first comment, or the first reaction.

Now think about the impact these comments had on you. When I was guiding a group through this exercise, Brooke, a 28-year-old senior sales manager, recalled a boy named Jeremy walking behind her in the hallway of a middle school. Jeremy saw Brooke and, along with his friends, teased her, making pig nose gestures and making rude comments about the size of her buttocks. Brooke felt ashamed and thought she needed to go on a diet. When I asked her how she felt about Jeremy now, she became more relaxed, as if she were looking back on her middle school experience from an adult perspective. After some discussion, she concluded that a 14-year-old middle school boy with his own flaws should not be the final judge of whether her body was acceptable.

Review your painful experiences and the list of people involved. Try to understand the motivations of those who comment on you or make you uncomfortable, from an adult perspective. If that person is your parent or a specialist, are they transmitting their own body anxieties to you? Adults dissatisfied with their bodies can sometimes affect their children's weight and eating habits. They might be angry with you for other reasons, but are they choosing to criticize your body instead of directly addressing what's bothering them?

If that person is your sibling, friend, classmate, or other colleague, and made hurtful comments, are they using you as an excuse to show off to their friends (like Jeremy)? Are they jealous of your success or achievements and trying to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad? Or perhaps they are simply uncomfortable in your presence and don't know what to say, so they made a "joke" to reduce their own discomfort.

When you clearly remember an early experience that embarrassed you and have some understanding of the motivations of those involved, you might revise how you feel about that incident now. If you could go back to that time, what would you say to the person who commented on your body? When I asked Brooke, she thought for a moment and laughed, saying, "You know, Jeremy has little pustules, I'd probably say he should worry about his own problems and stop staring at my ass." After our conversation, Brooke wasn't immediately satisfied with the size of her butt, but the shame she felt about it did lessen, marking the beginning of an improved body image.

Since you're an adult, who else would you want to have so much power to influence your feelings? Write down that person's name and an adult's reaction to a hurtful comment or action from years ago in your notebook.

If your initial embarrassment about your body wasn't the result of individual commentary, you can still revisit the incident from an adult perspective to lessen the negative feelings. For example, Amber, a 32-year-old music teacher, recalls a softball game. She was an outfielder on her middle school team. While running to catch a ball, she slipped on the wet grass, landing on her bottom. For the remainder of the game, she worried that the wet stain on her pants would draw attention to her bottom. Looking back as an adult, she realizes that even if her bottom had been thin, she would have been embarrassed by the slip and the loss of the ball. Growing teenagers, regardless of weight, often feel awkward when people focus attention on their bodies.

While early experiences may have been particularly painful, there's no reason to let them continue to have an impact. You're no longer a child or teenager, and you're now more confident in your own identity and better able to feel about yourself than you were in school. Revisiting these experiences from an adult perspective can help reduce the emotional reactions they evoke and help you make clearer judgments in the future.